Two days after the birth, I go home to pick up a few things. And at last I am completely alone. I shouldn't stay away long, so I have to choose between a nap and a shower. I choose a shower. A really hot one. I crank up Led Zeppelin and step inside.
Suddenly my soul splits a seam. The air rushes out, and I convulse in waves of sadness. The noises I make are loud and unfamiliar. I don't recognize these sobs as my own - they are more animal than human. I stand, head down, and let the water wash over me. Wash away the pain.
And then it's over. I shut off the water. I can't even remember if I ever lathered up.
4 months ago