Wednesday, July 28, 2010

59. A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Rest of My Life

Whatever happened to Dan?
Where did he go?

A blogger friend told me that someone recently asked that about me. The answer is that I'm still right here. It's true that I'm not chronicling my life much these days. Doesn't matter, because no one reads my blog anymore (although I guess that's somewhat of a "chicken or the egg" conundrum). So, why am I not writing? Why am I not scouring other people's blogs and leaving witty comments every night? Well, the answer may bore you.

One day, not so very long ago, I realized that Down syndrome was consuming my life. I don't mean that Ozzie was consuming my life, I mean that I was spending my entire day with one foot dipped into the Ds world. I was reading a ridiculous amount of blogs, sharing my life with strangers, picking fights online (with those who deserved it), and, in general, investing a lot of my emotional energy on the subject. And finally something just snapped, and I reflexively took a big step back. I needed space to breathe.

I think I'm not searching for answers the way I once was. I'm not cutting a trail with a machete, I'm just sort of ambling along. Things have gotten much easier - I have figured out how to live. And life feels so normal now, I just don't feel compelled to share the minutia of my day-to-day existence. It seems uninteresting to me.

But on reflection, I realize that I didn't really tell my blogger friends about this transformation. And so my site gradually became less and less current. Less and less memorable. And finally, people just sort of forgot about my blog, I think. And that's okay with me, because many of my blog friends are very active online, and I know I don't give them a lot of reason to stop by anymore. My bad.

However, I am still here. I have not abandoned my blog. If you email me, I will write back to you. And I will continue to post my thoughts as I have them, just not the boring ones. Hopefully people will understand.

By the way, Ozzie is now walking full-time. And he recently turned two. And I have lots of photos and videos to post, I just haven't had lots of free time to gather and post them. I know that's a poor excuse, but it's the best one I have. I know that when Ozzie was born, it was really helpful for me to see videos of other children with Ds online. It helped me see the future in a way that text never could. So I promise I will post videos of Ozzie here so that others can watch him grow and develop. He is hilarious, and he has a smile as big as the horizon, and he brings joy to my life that you new parents cannot yet imagine. But you will experience this joy soon. Pinkie swear.

So that's my shocking story. I'm putting this message in this bottle and giving it a good hard toss out into the waves. If any of my blogger friends find it, I would love if they would leave me a comment. It's sort of boring all alone on this tiny island.

15 comments:

Ria said...

Hi Dan! Great to hear from you. We would love to see videos of Ozzie whenever you get a chance to post. It's good to take a break once in a while to recharge and yes, live more. Totally understandable! And hey, you're not alone.

DownTownDan said...

Great to hear from you, Ria :)

Cole said...

It's kinda funny when life gets in the way of blogging isn't it? Or is it the other way around? I still read. I appreciate your need for a break or to not document the minutia. So you've come to the place you expected to be before Ozzie was born then? The normalcy...that seems something to brag about to me. Maybe new inspiration is needed?

http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/2010/07/down-syndrome-off-clock.html

Or maybe it's not new if you read Dave already-

DownTownDan said...

Yes, I have come to the place I expected - or hoped - to be. At least for now. The future holds many difficult challenges, to be sure. I'm not trying to fool myself into believing that I have all the answers. But I do have a lot of them.

I have read Dave's blog before, but not in a long time. I look forward to spending some time catching up on it tonight.

Lisa said...

Good to read you again, friend.

Laurie said...

::waves::

Good to see you, my friend : ) SO glad to hear that Ozzie is doing wonderfully!!!

JRS said...

Happy b-day to Ozzie. So, you went and found yourself some balance in this ebb and flow, eh? Good for you. Since so many of us have each other in Google Reader or RSS feeds, we tend to pop over only when something new is posted, so the low traffic flow makes sense. I'm woefully behind in my blog reading too. I think it is easy to over extend oneself. Moderation is healthy afterall. Catch ya 'round the web.
---Jen

Tara said...

Dan is still alive!!! Yay! :) I've missed you, but I completely get where you're coming from and have stepped back a bit myself. I cannot wait to see current pics/video of Ozzie. We're still at the "will he ever walk" stage, so seeing proof might be helpful.

The Sanchez Family said...

I did wonder where you were!! Great to hear the reasons why and always good to read your posts...boring or not :)

chris said...

Hi! We too are looking foreward to see a video of Ozzie walking :-)
And we was looking into your blog, waiting for birthday-fotos ;-)
To late for Happy Birthday but
congratulation for your walking, Ozzie!
Christine & Joshua, Germany

Monica said...

This is so NOT boring. I have tears (ok, small ones), just thinking of Ozzie's big ear to ear grin and the pinkie swear is priceless. New parents who are struggling really need to read this. Of course, it'd be great if you found time to post a couple photos. You have the opportunity to help those new parents as much as other bloggers helped you when Ozzie was a baby. So have I guilted you into posting a photo yet?

Cheri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cheri said...

Dan...whether you write once a day or once a month or once a year... your blog with remain a mainstay for me because you are real, I like to read from your "dad" perspective, I love the resources you have sourced for others to glean from, and I actually do like to see the minutia...because I like to see real people doing real life while making their way with Down syndrome being a huge part of it...and is the ingredient that has glued us all together here in this crazy internet forum.

I am glad Ozzie's birth propelled you forward with a huge machete, at first, because look around your "blogs" (note the plural) to see what would not be there had you not had that in your hands.

Perhaps your step back is just you now trading the machete in for a pocket knife. Pulling out whatever little "tool" you feel necessary for the moment when a moment arises now that the trail has been cut.

I do understand the step back though, I've felt that way too a bit ...but pinky promise you'll not store that machete too far back in the shed because we may need it on future Oz Squad missions! ;)

Cheri

PS...my delete up above was my A-Type personality finding a typo ;)

DownTownDan said...

Thank you so much, Cheri. Your comment means a lot to me.

That sounds like a generic response, but it isn't. Your post really means a lot to me.

Kelly said...

So glad that you are back, Dan! I personally LOVE the "dad" perspective too!!

Completely understand the stepping back a bit. But I am glad to see that you are still thinking of those new parents out there! After all, I was one not too long ago. And your blog was one of the first ones I start reading at a time when my emotions had the best of me!!

Glad that you are back!